death’s embrace is what one looks for. its quality.
unconditional. unafraid. complete.
today, somehow, i have been thinking of death. feeling a readiness in me to greet it. as if i can now really feel its inevitability. as if i can now see the finishing line. i look back at that long road i seemed to have walked. littered and cluttered with incidents, events, emotions and memories. a road that seems to have wound through a mirage of landscapes… and i can only wonder at it… at its use. in contrast, the road ahead, a seemingly-there road, is clear. nothing clutters it. nothing litters it. its very emptiness seems to be an invitation to leave it like that. to not clutter it. to not litter it. to just leave it with no trace of my passing.
the finishing line looks very tempting from here. as if beyond it lies everything i have ever wanted, ever needed. i feel an urgent eagerness to reach it now… as if, the current terrain, is only an irritating, idle obstacle. i can see beyond the finishing line. everything is clearly visible. the haze is not there. the haze is on this side of the line. much denser at the back. as if, my mere passing has left dense and heavy atoms and molecules of myriad emotions, unnecessary thoughts, and futile connections.
yes! the temptation is to just cease. cease everything. cease myself… and move through the remaining space silently, without stirring the air, without disturbing eternity. and move through the finishing line to where i have always been called, time and again. yes. i am coming!