Much has been said about the dreaded mid-life crisis. That unforgettable time of life between the ages of 38-45. It is a time that can be intensely crisis ridden, or intensely rewarding – whichever it is, it is a time of transformation. I would consider this time as important as puberty and like puberty we go through extensive psychological changes that are a direct result of consolidation of the experiences of the last 4 decades.
Astrology explains it beautifully. It is the time when the outer planets, that are transgenerational and transpersonal, start forming intense challenging aspects to their natal positions. James Jarvis very nicely explains this time time of change in http://www.lifeqwest.com/midlife.html.
It starts with a bang with the Pluto square Pluto (enough information is available on the effect the Pluto Square on the net). It couldn’t get any more difficult one would think … but one has to think again. Indeed, this time is like that. It is a time that can overturn one’s life, long-held beliefs, long standing structures and force one to re-examine and evaluate one’s life and create spaces and opportunities for a new way to begin. It is time to accept yourself for who have become, and not who you expected to be.
It is true that the individual himself/herself goes through very difficult physical, emotional, psychological times. But we often forget that the family also gets directly impacted by this. The spouse, most often, has to bear the brunt of not only the crashing-down structures but also has deal with and adjust to the extreme transformation happening within the individual. It is a time when not only is the individual tested, but also his/her relationships. An understanding spouse, at this time, is invaluable. Who can let the individual be, who can give the space, time and energy to allow these changes to happen without getting personally threatened. And one who can revel and enjoy the fruits of these internal re-workings.
It would help, if like we, as parents are forewarned about puberty, and thus are careful and much tolerant of our teenaged children and their tension ridden time, to be similarly forewarned about the outer-planetary transformations that the spouse will go through. I think we should, at the time of marriage, also be told about these kind of stormy times.
I, unfortunately, as the younger spouse was not forewarned and I remember my husband’s crisis time being extremely difficult for me to handle. Was I a supportive spouse? I doubt it. I don’t think I even knew what was happening to him. But now that I am going through it, I have been able to identify with those times and draw parallels … hence, sadly, I have understood only in retrospection.