All of us need a Mother – that entity who can encompass our whole being, who can love us unconditionally, and nurture us into being whole. It is a primordial relationship, this. Cannot be enacted by any other. The act of giving and receiving so entirely personal. This ‘mother’ who is beyond being human, is almost divine, may not be easy to find in the real world.
The real-life mother unfortunately is human, with human failings, with her own burdens and crosses to bear. She does her best of course, to encompass us, love us and nurture us, with whom we can feel totally safe. But do we perceive her like that? Sometimes she can be experienced differently.. and therein lies our problems, no?
Today, in deep stillness, I encountered my inner mother. This was the first time I have encountered her. And all I could see in her is her deep compassion while watching me … she watched me, waiting patiently, while I threw my tantrums, while I convulsed in my own pain, while I did all I could do to destroy myself. Poor thing, the inner mother I mean … she could only watch … knowing that she would not be able to reach out until the ‘storm’ had passed. Until I myself chose to reach out to her.
This ‘storm’ is very important. Until we go through the deep guts of the storm, we cannot emerge into the other side. Most often we avoid engaging with the storm, try to bypass it. The storm can last an hour or perhaps years. The only problem is that we have to go through this alone … no one can accompany us. No one can help us. But I am digressing …
The storm did pass. I did finally reach out to her. I did finally hold her hand. And in that one little act, in that one little moment of acceptance, trust, utter, complete love, I found all that I was seeking … I felt the process of becoming whole begin.
To me, it is significant – that I found my inner mother on the day of the Equinox. It seems almost symbolic. Of death. Of re-birth.