Life after Life

If I am to do nothing, since Life anyway takes care of itself, questions comes up ‘what should I do?”. All my life I have believed in taking action, making a move, being pro-active, actively engaging with reality. Today or rather for sometime I have been questioning this.

Life happens anyway. Sometimes because of us (one would like to believe that), but almost all the time inspite of us. This understanding has knocked down the foundations off my belief-world. And leaves me unable to engage even in the simplest of activities that need to be carried out. I also know that until I resolve this, I will not be able to move, though I read enough about how one has to take one step at a time etc.etc.etc.
Perhaps the paralysis comes from the over-used, abused word called ‘ego’. (I hate to use this word because we don’t entirely understand the connotations that this word has, and use it often in a pop-psychology fashion). Anyways, coming back to the ‘ego’, it cannot believe that it and its beliefs and its actions have no consequence whatever. And neither will its non-belief or non-action, for that matter. Or worse the feeling of insignificance that the problem is too big to engage with. Or worse the feeling that there is no problem to engage with !
The problem is I am beginning to suspect that this ‘truth’ that Life anyways happens, applies internally too. That internal change also happens, inspite of us, as we keep engaging with life on a daily basis. And that we (or rather I) and our/my beliefs and our/my actions have no consequence whatever. And neither will our/my non-belief or non-action, for that matter. Or worse the feeling of insignificance that there is no problem is too big to engage with. Or the worst that there is no problem to engage with !
I think that is the crux of the matter – there is actually no problem to engage with. That all the engagement that we seek is to keep ourselves entertained, busy and feeling relevant. Take the engagement away and what remains? Perhaps only boredom? Of course one could be creative and ‘watch’ and ‘see’ because that is all one can really do. It brings me to the question ‘the next 20-30 years of my life that I am going to live, I only watch???’… Or of course one can engage, exactly what one has always done, but one engages then without a so-called purpose. This might, of course, help us not to take ourselves too seriously, take away the ‘seriousness’ of the engagement, making it more ‘play’ (as a friend calls all engagement in life).
So, what exactly happens after we “see” … do we keep “seeing” all our lives?
… to be continued …
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