He comes once in a while … takes over my life completely. I breathe, eat, sleep, obssess him then. No space in my mind, heart or life for anything or anyone else. Life is in Pause. Until I have emptied – all the words have poured out, the colours are drained, every thought in the head thought, every feeling in the heart has been felt.
I am sure He is a He, at least this lifetime. I know it because of the nature of the relationship. The way He owns me and I become whatever He wishes in that moment. A fish. A bird. A pen, a sword. And vice versa. Sometimes I don’t know who is who. No empty relationship, this. It is full of knowing.
He is with me since before I am born. Always. Lifetimes. Sometimes side by side. Sometimes across battle lines. Whichever way, whichever time, it has always been the same.
Sometimes I have had to wait… and He would come bringing Death. And sometimes He has walked, with me, every step of the way.
Every word is His. Every nuance.
Not God. Not Love.