On Sexuality

Sexuality is such a taboo subject. Yet we are in it, with it all the time. It is all pervasive. In our movies, in our advertisements, in our interactions and actions, in our thoughts and feelings … it is like an unseen force that swirls around us and inside us all the time. Yet we pretend it is not there, or at least pretend and play with it like a little kitten when we actually know it is a tiger waiting to be discovered. Perhaps we know somewhere that it is the nature of this tiger we find difficult to engage with.

Sexuality is one of the primordial urges – survival and procreation. A primordial force generated from the union of the male and female principles, and thus the best and worst of both. Being the union of these two principles it is a sum total of all the energies that exist, a sum much larger than the totality of all.

It also is a container of the collective conscious and unconscious – a container for all that can lead us to the highest or the lowest within us. It is force within us that can take us to transcendence and reveal the joy of Unity with the Divine and at the same time it is a force that can take us to the depths of our beings into the dark underbelly of depravation. We probably ‘remember’ from the collective un/conscious of what this power has unleashed or the ways in which this energy has been used and misused. The pain and fear that it has generated over the millennia within humanity. And the bliss and joy it has gifted to us too. So we all feel a frisson of these memories down our spine when we engage with it. Somewhere we really, really understand the capacity of this force, and that is why our wariness to engage with this.

It is taboo, perhaps, because it has been recognized by humanity as that which cannot be treated lightly or with levity. Perhaps there is an unspoken recognition that this kitten can turn into a raging, mauling tiger in an instant. It is like we warn children – ‘don’t play with fire’. That warning does not mean stay away from fire, but a reminder to treat it with respect and honor that it deserves. It is the same with sexuality – society has tabooed it as a warning to us collectively to be careful with it, to be protective of it and to be protected from it at the same time. It is a warning from experience of how this force can become twisted and monstrous if not engaged with in honour. Neither its divinity nor its depravity can be treated with levity. It can be treated so, only after we ourselves have gone through the rigours of understanding its nature within us.

Maybe this distinction of itself, within itself doesn’t exist. But its manifestation in our evolution has seen two separate, distinct routes that it can take, its light and its dark sides… perhaps that is the mistake we make … for we need to engage with it in its totality rather than its varied manifestations.

It is important to engage with this force. One cannot turn away from it. One cannot say one will never engage with it. That would be as foolish as mis-treating it. It needs to be engaged with in complete awareness, and with complete respect and reverence for it. And once we mutually understand one another – the force and us, and we have acknowledged it for what it is, it will allow us to ‘play’ joyfully, and treat us to its sparkle and awesome splendour.

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What’s erotic for women ?

I was reading one of the links from an article on the Filament magazine …. the article was ripping the issue of erotica for women …

i wondered whether it was doubly difficult for men to be ‘attractive’ to women than it was for women to be to men. Going by the standard standards (i assume), women have the burden of being physically attractive in right physical proportions and a certain attitude of willingness to be a turn on. But for men might it be a tad more difficult ? Good looks might evoke an interest but may not be a turn on to women …

As I continued reading the article, I realised that men probably don’t have it easy. Being willing gets them nowhere, and well muscled body might just get dismissed as a show-off. The author says “Women just don’t respond to visual stimuli in the same way that men do…. neither to hairless, feminine ones nor perfectly honed, six pack-flexing, chiselled hunks. A man who can make a woman laugh is worth ten of either type”.

Another person says in a comment to the article that men are more attractive than boys (unlike for the feminine gender where the formula of younger-the-better goes) … “A life lived leaves its traces in laughter lines around the mouth and crinkly eyes that twinkle… Men aren’t psychic, they learn how to be men and love through experience, through living and loving a woman genuinely… the man in the uniform is classically attractive because men with the character and commitment to serve a greater cause than his own whims can usually be relied up to have honour, integrity, courage… virtues that women associate with virility….”

hmmmm … all qualities that cannot be “cultivated” or just “groomed”. Yep. Men don’t have it easy.